What is most frustrating about this, besides the obvious inequality and homophobia, is that every gay person already has an internal monitor that she or he uses to regulate public behavior. It’s mostly subconscious, often just instinctual. But it has been ingrained in us from the moment we realized we were different. I call it the “Is It Worth It?” Meter. It’s that meter tells us how fully we can be ourselves and when it is worth the consequences. For the most part, the answer is always yes. Yes, it’s worth it to be out. Yes, it’s worth it to be public. Yes, it’s worth it to hold your girlfriend’s hand at the movie theater.
But then there are times when it simply is not worth it. No, it’s not worth it to tell the douchey coffee guy who always tries to hit on you because it will only make him hit on you harder, and with more lesbian jokes. No, it’s not worth it to keep holding your girlfriend’s hand when you’re walking home late at night and nearing a large group of unruly men.
So for every person out there who persists on thinking we’re just shoving our big gay agenda into their faces, trust me – we’ve thought about the consequences of what we’re doing a lot more than you ever have. And we do what we do because we’ve decided that it’s worth it – despite all the bullshit – to be who we are. Because to self-censor ourselves for other people’s so-called comfort isn’t doing the world any favors. In fact, it hurts the world to let this double standard exist that says one kind of love is more acceptable than another kind of love. We think long and hard and endlessly about many of the simple gestures that straight people just take for granted.
Take this to heart, non-queers. This is something that most straight people never realize--one of the many parts of "straight privelege". We have to analyze our surroundings every time we want to act on any sort of non-hetero-normative feeling of affection; if we don't pay close attention to where we are, who we're with, who's around us, we could put ourselves in great danger just by doing something as innocent as holding hands.
I mean seriously. . .do non-allies think we WANT that mob of straight, cis-male construction workers to be leering at us? Do they think we want that attention?
Just look at this headline for an article:
Was it all a stunt? Lesbian actress denies claims she was thrown off flight for kissing girlfriend just to publicise her tour
. . .
Did you just facepalm? I know I did.
How could anyone even make that conjecture? Lesbians showing their affection for one another are not doing so to entertain. We are not performing. Kissing in public is not a demand for attention. That is the stuff of sweeps-week kisses, not the stuff of real life.
The fact that so many people still believe things like this just means that we need to keep chiseling away at their prejudice, one day at a time. (As if we need to be told that).
Kudos to Leisha Hailey and her girlfriend for doing just that:
“We believe everyone has the right to live openly in this society as equals,” the couple says in a statement released Tuesday. “In no way were our actions on Southwest Airlines excessive, inappropriate or vulgar. We want to make it clear we were not making out or creating any kind of spectacle of ourselves, it was one, modest kiss.”“We are responsible adult women who walk through the world with dignity,” the statement continues. “We were simply being affectionate like any normal couple.”
"Everyone has the right to live openly in this society as equals,” hmm?
Sounds pretty good to me.
